Bless this castle – it’s a key
Pull up the sleeves on your trousers
When Jeremy Corbyn goes to sleep
Does he dream of haunted houses?

And I’ve survived nights when inspectors pounded on my door,
And 10 Downing Street tell me – what’s the front door for?
And don’t you try to convince me otherwise
I’m a royalist

With William and Harry’re standing by,
Nobody in England is going to die
Who was it who sang their lullaby?
Duran Duran and Princess Di

Reading the bloody papers, I work up a bloody thirst
And Tony Blair can’t go to sleep unless he chokes his chicken first
Now I’d fancy another pint down at “The Cock and Bull”
And Boris Johnson’s tits have a gravitational pull
And don’t you muppet try to make me see the light now
I’m a royalist

Yeah!

With William and Harry’re standing by
Nobody in England is going to die
Who was it who sang their lullaby?
Duran Duran and Princess Di

When you close your eyes
Can you feel the paparazzi shooting lies into Parisian skies as Dodi Fayed dies?
Man, don’t it make you sick?
Had it up to here with dirty tricks from MI6
They made me look in Wayne Rooney’s eyes!
Eyes!

There’s a Union Jill trapped inside the Jack who wears a dress,
And come we now to the man who wants to break the NHS,
In France he is introduced as “Nie-ghel Fah-rah-ge”,
But here, in the post-Brexit,
He’s a right fookin’ cunt!
And I know this will need to be cleaned up for the radio –
I’m a realist

Yeah!

With William and Harry on the case,
England will finish in first place
On a Sunday roast, do let us gorge
Kate’s knitting socks for little George
With Meghan Markle in the fold,
So many more stories to be told,
Often feelings do get hurt
With the three lions on my shirt!
Three more lions in my trousers
Does Jeremy Corbyn dream of haunted houses?