Down in the workshop all the elves were makin’ toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared ’em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath

From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye
“Merry Christmas to all. Now you’re all gonna die!”

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realised he’d been getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you’ll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage

He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen
And he took a big bite, said “It tastes just like chicken!”

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can’t hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts

There’s the National Guard and the FBI
There’s a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circling around in the sky

And the bullets are flying, the body count’s rising
And everyone’s dying to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

[Gunshots]

Yes, Virginia, now Santa’s doing time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey little friend now don’t you cry no more tears
He’ll be out with good behaviour in 700 more years

Now Vixen’s in therapy and Donner’s still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Clause she’s on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They’re talking bout
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped

Woah, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realised he’d been getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Woah, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped
In his brain